The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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