Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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