I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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