I smell stomach acid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
