We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
