And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
