garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
two words...techno handjob
they're like a gay fantastic four
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
