In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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