Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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