Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
