Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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