I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
