i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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