Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
