Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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