you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
