I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
