I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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