shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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