I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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