I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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