If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
