did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
