Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
