are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
