i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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