I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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