your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
