i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
