I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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