You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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