It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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