Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
