Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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