i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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