So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
