So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
