I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
