I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
