Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My vagina is very pro this idea
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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