textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
