I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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