i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
