Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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