But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
