Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
