I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize