she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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