I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
