She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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