I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize