He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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