My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
