I think I died a long time ago.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would ride that face into the sunset
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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