Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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