STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
