i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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