don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
