Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
