DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
