Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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