the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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