I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
