Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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