Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Damn victory sex feels great
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize