just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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