Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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