operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
