My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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