He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
