I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
