At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
