i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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