you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
