Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
