We're like a lot better than the average bears
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
