She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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