I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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