so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
