My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
