we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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